the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
