I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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