i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
