Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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