Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I hope mine doesn't look like that
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
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