Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I am full of burrito and curiosity
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
