Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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