woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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