she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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