Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
if only i could text you this smell
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
