So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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