I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
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