If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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