The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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