If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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