I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
