She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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