TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
