I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
