If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
