I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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