Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
