grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
