In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
