Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
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The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
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