A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize