and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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