I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Randomize
