Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
