Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
