Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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