found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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