This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
