god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Randomize
