Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
