Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Randomize
