Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
