After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
im on a boat
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