once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Randomize
