If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
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