K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
