the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
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