I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
