All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
