moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
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They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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