if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
