So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
