I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
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