i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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