So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
