There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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