i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
