My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
