your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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