i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
