So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
