lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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