Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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