i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
