I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
