My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Randomize
