Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
