have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
