She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
