Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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