fuck your aforementioned shoe
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Brb crying the tears of my youth
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
