It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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